I was toying with writing an article about grief for some time (and I swear I'll still write it one day) but I feel like I need to write about fear and how I cope with it - maybe for the person reading this or maybe just for my own venting. whatever it's for, it will help at least one person and that's more than enough for me. I've been thinking about this topic for some time because I'm dealing with, yes, a lot of fears. and it's crazy, they're extremely subconscious. meaning that, I didn't realize they were around until recently, as we've started growing the company. fear of failure, of loss, of lack, of things being taken away from me (yes), of losing it all. taking risk, growing as a person, going the extra mile involves fear. that's a fact. you wouldn't be human if you didn't sense fear. it's instinctual and there are countless sources and therapists that accurately state most of your fears come from some event/happening/belief in your childhood (the age of 1-12 is EXTREMELY FORMATIVE FOR CHILDREN. check our lacy Phillip's work to learn more) that gets really insanely dug inside your subconscious, i.e., you don't know it's there. and sure, figuring out where it comes from is great but all in all, just being aware that the fears exist is the biggest step.
the next step (for me), is feeling through them. like actually feeling like the fear is happening. this is the most bizarre thing in the world but feeling your fear in that moment makes it seem SO INSIGNIFICANT. you realize it wasn't as bad as you thought and that the biggest fear is actually the emotion caused by the fear and not the fear itself, i.e., the feeling a certain way from a certain happening. so, for example, if you have a fear of failure or a fear of starting a business, feel what it would be like to fail generally or fail from starting a business = you might feel defeated, awful, like you suck, disappointed, you'll have to figure out a plan b. so on and so forth. write them all down. exactly how you'd feel. terrible, stupid, I can't do this, I'm dumb, I can't believe I did this. I wasted all of this money. everyone is disappointed in me. and THAT'S IT. literally, that's it. sit with those emotions. hash them out. once you feel the disappointment, the sucking, the defeat, you'll first realize, 1) ok this isn't as terrible as I made it out to be and it's a pretty fleeting emotion, meaning it ends at some point; and 2) the chances of going down that failure rabbit hole are actually pretty slim - while you might be disappointed for some time, your family won't be disappointed in you, you KNOW you're not stupid and it definitely wasn't a waste of money because you learned from the entire experience. the entire fear is literally a made up belief in your mind that you can either let control you or you can become aware of it and actually control it yourself by giving it really little importance (and understanding it's part of the process).
the most inspiring thing I ever learned was that your fears are actually there to serve you and show you where it is you need to grow and learn. your fears are the reason you came to earth to live this life and grow as a soul and a human. they're mirrors of your "made-up" limits, and if you fall for them, they'll keep you small your whole life. they're the part of you that's almost like a "small child" in need of extra love and guidance - it's just trying to protect you and quite honestly, doesn't know any better. so when you're faced with fear, stop and think: what is this showing me? where am I playing small? if it's a fear of failure, what is that actually doing for you? probably stopping you from a great career or a business idea that will help you evolve as a soul and quite possibly change the world (even if your "world" is within a one mile radius from your home). what if you decided to look at that fear and say, ok I understand where you're coming from, but I got this. and if I fail, it's not terrible. it will all be ok. because honestly, what if you never tried?