i mentioned giving myself pep talks in the shower in this instagram post last week and promised I would write a little more about these so called "pep talks" on the blog. this is officially my first post post-partum and i'd like to report, i'm alive. having a newborn seems pretty easy since they really don't do much except eat, sleep, and poop, and for the most part, yes, that's true, except mine has reflux and nursing requires a whole year tutorial i wish i'd taken pre-partum (i only pumped for a little with alexander so a tutorial wasn't necessary. or was it?). oh and i have a toddler. so any little free time has consisted of my educating myself on nursing and infant reflux and showering (where the pep talks occasionally happen).
first and foremost, i'm a big believer that negative thoughts and dwelling attract negative things. i've spoken about my drinking the law of attraction koolaid in one of my past posts and the main premise is basically (and obviously): you attract what you think. it's a practice and a theory that is very much learned over time - it takes a lot to switch your mind from fear, worry, and freak out to "i'm going to be fine" and "this is going to get better." i mean i write this and i still have days (most) when i'm not sure how i'll survive or how things will generally look up. but enough "mediation" if you will (i.e., pep talks although real meditation is a 2017 goal) helps you recognize a negative state of mind and fairly quickly snap out of it. so, for example, how pep talks start:
my old brain aka fear: oh my god, i'm so overwhelmed. what's wrong with the baby? why can't i figure her out? alexander wasn't like this. i should stop nursing (but it's good for her and so easy because I don't have to prepare bottlesss). i have so much mom guilt for barely paying attention to alexander today. he's definitely going to like his dad more than me. i need to be a more patient mother. i have so many proposals to get out. i really need to make time for 2017 goals. i barely have time for myself. i wish i could read a book. i just want to pee in peace.
how i get myself out of these ruts - list everything you're grateful for that day (this is today's list for myself): *tip: start off really generically, superficially, and detailed like, the trees, this beautiful day, these shoes, my great hair day. it helps get the ball rolling. eventually you'll find really positive aspects to almost everything.
- cool weather
- open doors at the house
- husband put up wall decor, hung plants, and changed the front door hardware
- slept more than usual last night
- infant zantac
- what's gaby cooking recipes - made this for alexander and this for dinner. so good.
- parents that come over to play with my children so i can be a pretend to be functioning human
- children that napped at the same time (and work that got done!!)
- my almost blind dog finally figured out the house and can walk around by herself - true story
- putting out cardboard boxes and other trash for pickup tomorrow
- my new diaper pail that MASKS ODORS AMAZINGLY
- barney (alexander's new bff)
- nursing oversupply issue slowly regulating itself
- the container store elfa system which has organized my laundry and my life (and was 30% off)
- my mom chat (that keeps me sane)
- my fellow mompreneurs
- having so many great friends
- time to blog!
- my life
- my neighborhood
- my grandparents
- my husband and my babies
- my dog (albeit blind and loud)
- my job and my business (every. damn. day)
- my hol help (cristie!!)
- showers for pep talks
(notice how the grateful list goes from detailed, brainless items to bigger picture, deeper items)
i mean seriously, i could go on. there's a silver lining to every thought or happening (granted some are harder to find than others). so basically after I complain and feel like the worst mom, wife, daughter, granddaughter, sister, friend and business owner ever, I start my "grateful" list and then my new brain aka koolaid says: stop complaining. you just had a baby. you're too hard on yourself. enjoy this time with her and with alexander. appreciate and take advantage of the help you have. trust God and his timing. trust yourself, your gift and your talent. be grateful for every. single. thing that you have.
so, the exercise converts a a simple thought like: "omg, being a mom to two under two is so hard. i'm never going to make it alive. this is the worst day ever. i need a moment for myself."
"how lucky am i to have two babies so quickly. so many women have trouble getting pregnant in the first place and I didn't even have to think twice and they're here. and they're amazing. and i get to be home right now enjoying them AND do what i love."